Free Of You And The Ties That Bind

i want to be done with this, so I can be free of it.

i wanna go back to when things were simple
when they didnt suck
when it didnt hurt
when shit wasnt THIS hard
when not everything cost something--
because if i gotta pay for one more shred of happiness with a torrential storm of tears, SOMEONE IS GETTING BITCH SLAPPED.



ALSO! someone needs to teach me how exactly how to bitch slap. ive never done that before. at least, i dont think so.

not while sober, anyway.

Kids For Christ!

A brilliant friend told me once,

"There is no such thing as a Christian child. Only Christian parents."

So, to the kids who are being given "extra credit" to picket abortion clinics--

1. You're being lied to.
2. This abhorrent behavior, stop it.
3. You're being indoctrinated.
4. If you don't know what "indoctrinated" means - you're too young to ascribe to any kind of religion.
5. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN.

Passing on traditions and value and culture is one thing. I'm not saying you shouldn't tell your kid about your religion. But give them a fucking choice to follow it (or not!). Don't make the decision for them. Enlighten them to free their minds and give them options. Because, like I said, talking about/discussing/demonstrating traditions and practices is one thing.

 Brain washing children into blind hatred is a different story.

(every.adult.responsible.deserves.to.burn.alive.)

Collectively, Say No

I just paid a $25 co-pay for a follow-up appointment at my doctor's office.

I paid her $25 to tell her I was fine.

-

I am so sick of this shit. I could understand paying $25 for the initial appointment. I had an issue (a twitching finger, quite odd), and she needed to assess the situation. That's fair. Then she told me we would make a follow-up appointment (read: she did not give me a choice) to see if the muscle relaxers worked. If not, we'd move on to other things.

So the muscle relaxers worked. No more twitchy finger. And I went to the appointment anyway, feeling like I had to. I didn't think there would be another co-pay. I mean, we were following up on something we'd started. It wasn't another random visit for something completely unrelated.

She strong-armed me into a follow-up appointment to put more money in her wallet. Had she given me an option: "Hey, if these don't work, be sure to make a another appointment so we can look into other things..." I could've saved my $25. But she made it sound like a requirement, and in doing so, weaseled $25 outta me.

Suffice it to say, I was pissed once I figured out the game.

Had I thought it through, I could've just called her. Rang her up and said "hey, thanks for the muscle relaxers, worked like a charm, no more twitchy finger, good idea!" I could've kept that $25 in my wallet where it belongs.

Young and dumb. Now I know better. Gotta learn the hard way, I guess.

Mom says "that's just how it is."

NO. That's not how it is. That's how we allow it to be. It is bullshit, and we allow this bullshit to rule our lives, and we are the ones who enable it to continue.

THERE IS NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION.
If we all refused to pay, what would they do?

-

Sadly, I just put the check in the mail for the $25.
Shit like this makes me feel powerless, insignifigant.
Anyone else?

Dissociative

Get me out. Getmeoutgetmeoutgetmeoutgetmeout

GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

I don't want to be here anymore, I want to go go go gogogogo GO

GOD DAMNIT. go.
get me gone.

I want away from this place. I want away from these thoughts and feelings and associations that are swirling around me like a god damn whirlpool. I will not be dragged under.

But I'm not handling them the same, they've become unwieldy as of late, and that perturbs me.
I've done so well relieving them over the past 6 months that I will sincerely do ANYTHING to keep myself from slipping back.
I don't know WHY I'm feeling this so intensely all of sudden, but I really really REALLYREALLYREALLY don't want to feel it at all. Please?

No. I refuse to do this. You can't make me.



I'm tired of bearing the bullshit
I did it for so long
I would really enjoy NOT
I want OUT.

Now.
Please.

-

The urge to disassociate is intense. And uncharacteristic of my general attitude.

Confucius Say...

I wish everyone would stop expecting so much from me.

It's getting to the point where everyone's ending up disappointed.

I don't know how I did this or what unspoken promises I made, but I'm tired of feeling bad for not being able to make everyone happy.

I can't make everyone happy. Not all at once. It just isn't possible. I'm sorry. I'm only human.


-


You don't want disappointment? Expect nothing. Leave me the hell alone.

Fast&Furious is a Shitty Movie

I hate everyone who drives on highways nowadays.

Gone are my joyful long-distance car rides filled with good music, time to myself, and the calming open road. These fucking asshole drivers have ruined it for me.

95 miles an hour, tailgating, changing lanes without signaling...when did I sign up for Demolition Derby?

It's like someone's in the backseat giving birth to the second coming of christ, and they need to get to Bethlehem like YESTERDAY.

Like the road was made for THEM and everyone else is in the way. Like they're the only ones who matter. Like the little old lady, who is someone's grandmother, deserves to be hit. Like the mother and her 9 month old are inconsequential, so who cares if they die? Like the college-bound kid's life isn't as valuable as theirs.

Not to be all dramatic, but those are the kinds of people who are on the road too. So maybe we should be a little more conscious of that whilst we whip around in our mustangs and muscle cars, drag racing like we're Paul Walker.

But we're fucking invincible, right?

Wrong. You god-damn, selfish, self-absorbed, little-dick piece of shit. I want to break your knees with a bat.

-

People are driving like it's the end of the world.
But given the recent "earthquake" and impending hurricane, mayhaps it is.

So, naturally, it makes sense to go out in a firey, violent, self-induced-accident-because-I-was-driving-like-a-fucknut kind of way.